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theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

(Source: secretsbest)

the-soapbox:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

cheskamouse:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

abgron:

dear every guy in my class at college

IT’S JUST THAT SIMPLE <3

While I am Bi, not Lesbian. This is very important. *^_^*

I especially liked the bit pointing out how ridiculous questions like ‘How does lesbian sex work?’ are

Because seriously

It’s two girls fucking

It’s not some impossibly complicated puzzle to figure out

Lesbian sex isn’t a rubiks cube

This is so adorably accurate and valid.

Love, your resident queer*.

(Source: maejes0s)

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